Jumat, 03 Mei 2013

My Praying

People have different intimate relation with their God. they always say anything good to be grateful of and bad matters to be whine of. cause i feel the same way. and i think it's unfair when i keep nagging to Allah since i don't make any wisdom and goodness as much as i could make demands whatsoever. Allah allow us to ask for help, guidance, and  thing that's almost impossible to grab cause that's our nature as His Creature to be obey and sincerely submit our life. I have seen through people the ways of praying. there's sometimes shedding of tears is common thing of them. while there's people who sincerely talk to Him but nothing falling down. is tears a standard of sincerity? not always. however it barely signed that you use your heart to communicate with your highness. is there any moment you see at the scene of historical drama indicate unapropriate ways of talking to the King? nope. here it is. use your heart means you don't 'sue' in order to He ought to grant your willing. there's many times you didn't pass through along your wish. you think it isn't good but He knows the best. and i'm trying to hold this 'rules' i have so many things to be granted. but after all, that's only human's point of view not Him. i admit that most of it really become unreal. then i contemplate myself. i think it's because of me who don't put my struggle on it. for example in my last year of senior high school, i badly wanted to enroll in University of Indonesia. i have run a lot of ways into it. since SIMAK, and UMB. i think it's enough to prove that i'm not suitable or i'm not in its level. then i remmber i missed one thing, SNMPTN that is most commonly people have bigger chance. finally i really don't participate because of my tiny guts to face to face thousands people. regret always comes last. not only becaause i don't get in the test, more that i don't have a lot of prepration while they have.

now i have few things that i always ask for after praying and as much moment as i can do. before it, grateful and apologoze comes first to Allah. especially after Subuh when days start and spirit and dream in the other pursuit. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah He gives life and live whom everyone couldn't have. he gives health and perfection  whom everyone couldn't blessed of. he gives strength to hold the faith whom everyone couldn't stand by longlast. happy family, friends, and good people that is stand by me whom everyone has to fight for it. then regretful sin and badness i've done in a day before, a year before, and the whole my 21 years life. i badly ask for His forgiveness of my badness that i even lighlt do it and didn't realize it. thinking about it, makes me so guilty. maybe a word comes easily for my mouth might be worst to others and Allah especially. my single swinging of hand and feet that hurt people badly. i'm not sensitive at all but once i realize it, it'll be my lifetime regret and guilt. Allah, please hold the good people around you and don't make us parted. cheers them and don't have someone or something making scapegoat among us. unite my family and lights on your guidance for us forever and ever. i'm so afraid that one day i'll be lost and no one give a hand. only You my only hope. i live in this world just a while. holding tight of me and my family, till we have enough stock to welcome your eternal world by way of khusnul khotimah. it's the most people wanted for the ending. khusnul khotimah. now i'm waiting for placement, i know You will give the best timing for us to face the new step of our life, no need to say be faster or be slower. i just want to be in the proper time. there's so many institution i also know surely you have chosen the best for me. but if i could say, i just wanna devote to my parents. there for, i want to be close to them but i don't wanna in this city, i want to improve myself still in Java. hope BKF would please ask me to join, or BPK so i could continue my study, or BPPK so i could have honorable job, as a teacher. or DJP so i can applicate my knowledge then i can save more to build beutiful family :) it's not i want sue you, but this is choice i mostly admired. hope you grant as my best way :) Allah there's someone close to me now. i know this isn't rhight fully for woman like me. i just want to know people who wants to be serious with me. in my point of view he's kind, modest, simple and the most important he has effort to be more close to You, isn't good Allah.person who has never ending learning even it's the beginning for him to be more religious and Islam advance. however i just know him apparently. i don't make any decision yet. he's all yours, i'm all yours. please give me enlightment about this.if we were meant to be together please make it close with the right and noble way. if we're not, please give us courage to move on on your fate on our mate and leave good impression between us and no hurt feeling. we start it kindly, we should end it nicely. if we're not meant to be together. too much hope is not good, too much sincere is also not. Allah please give me good mate either he or else. i always try to be better person cause You said that good woman for good man. hope he's the good man for me. Allah i always complaining my tiny unperfect appearance. please help me get this pass through. i don't want to be think too much about my face and body. i hope it will heal naturally. free of acen and fat. i don't wanna to please anybody, it is my perfectionist ALlah. forgive my yawning. Allah, hope me and my family and mukmin peopla all around world fave from your terrible hell and can accept to your beautiful heaven. hope my parents be healthy and happy and enjoying their old time unwastedly. hope i could make family that well praying and well living. sakinah mawwadah warrohmah and make a lot wealth to be run for Islam ways and my family sake. i hope i'll be generous person, not easily jealous, talking person at the back, easily burst out, unsensitive, and not easily surrender. i'm young woman. my civil servant carrier is just the beginning, i don't want it forever. i want tobe carreer woman with catering and restaurant business that still keep an eye and put a lot of care to my family. it's hard to do than say, but i'll try. thank you for hearing a lot fo whishes from your nothing creature. hope i always fight in Your way. aamiin :) 


1 komentar:

rizalicious mengatakan...

dari Ibnu Abbas, ia (Ibnu Abbas) berkata; "Aku mendengar Rasulullah shallallahu 'alaihi wasallam bersabda; "Dua mata yang tidak akan disentuh oleh api neraka; mata yang menangis karena takut kepada Allah dan mata yang bergadang semalam suntuk untuk berjaga di jalan Allah." | HR Tirmidzi

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